1. The Note Under the Bed

In any marriage, there are bound to be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels taken for granted. This joke takes that scenario to the extreme, as a wife decides to teach her husband a lesson with a note — only to find herself caught off guard by his response.

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.”

After a short while, the husband came home, and she could hear him in the kitchen before he entered the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

“She’s finally gone… Yeah, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the naughty things you like.”

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…

“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread: be back in five minutes.”

2. The Pharmacist’s Explanation

Sometimes, what starts as a simple misunderstanding can escalate quickly, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously highlights how a situation can spiral out of control when assumptions are made — until the truth comes out, leaving everyone in stitches.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone!”

“I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I had locked the house with both my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened up, there was already a crowd waiting. All the while, the phone kept ringing off the hook.”

When I stood up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase full of perfume bottles. Believe it or not, all of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing and would not let up, and I finally got to answer it.”

“It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer and believe me, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

3. The Family Secret

One Sunday morning, George burst into the living room and proclaimed, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”

After dinner, George’s dad took him aside and said, “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mom, George. She and I have been married for 30 years. She’s a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”

Again, his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.”

George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister.”

4. The Fried Eggs Incident

Sometimes, everyday situations like cooking breakfast can become the source of a light-hearted argument between spouses. This joke takes that relatable scenario and turns it into a hilarious commentary on how we all sometimes feel the need to give unsolicited advice, especially when the roles are reversed.

A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter?! They’re going to stick! Careful. Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt!”

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

Navigating a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially when you lose track of your spouse.

This joke plays on that common experience, showing just how resourceful one husband can be when it comes to finding his wife — with a touch of humor, of course.

In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He walked up to a nice young lady and asked, “Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?”

“Why should I?” asked the lady, startled by Ivan’s strange request.

“It’s always the same. As soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman, my wife abruptly pops up out of nowhere.”

Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s illness brought out his wife’s true feelings in a way that’s both surprising and amusing. Sometimes, some love can be found in the most unexpected places, or situations.

A man visited a friend recovering from the flu that had bedridden him for weeks.

Surprisingly, the friend said it had been a happy and wonderful experience.

“How so?” asked the man.

“Well, I’ve found out how much my wife loves me and how pleased she is to have me home.”

“Well, every time the postman, the milkman, or the dustman comes by, she runs out shouting, “My husband is home! My husband is home!”

7. The Late-Night Approach

There are times when sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare their strategies for avoiding trouble with their wives, only to reveal that the best approach is sometimes a bit more direct and humorous.

Two married friends were out drinking one night when one turned to the other and started complaining about his home situation.

“You know,” he said, “I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, ease into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

A shared laugh can be one of the best parts of any relationship, and these jokes capture the fun and humor that often come with marriage.

If you’re looking for more reasons to laugh out loud, check out our compilation of the best kids’ jokes that you’ll definitely want to share!

This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.